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Our satirical writer Edwin Phillips listens in to conversations when people utter meaningless phrases, which can often communicate the exact opposite of what the words actually mean…
It is always important to read the hidden messages in what is said. Often ‘NO’ can in fact mean ‘YES, and vice-versa.
Journalists trying to secure an interview with someone for a story know this iron rule only too well!
Completely vacuous phrases can also be used when people can’t remember an individual’s name.
Let me give you an example, which I heard again the other day (I have heard this MANY times before!).
It was: “You must come round for a meal sometime…”.
Ostensible meaning: “I invite you round to eat something at a date to be arranged…”.
Actual meaning: “Get lost. I find you boring. I know your face, but can’t remember your name. I want to leave…”.
Then there are other ones where the person appears to be very concerned about your health, such as “I hope you are well…”, which is often used as an opening gambit in conversation.
Ostensible meaning: “I hope you are well…”.
Actual meaning: None. It’s just throat-clearing. Do not respond by giving the other person a long bulletin on your health.
Another one is: “How are you keeping..?”
This is a generic phrase usually employed when a person is totally ignorant of who you are, so this is used instead.
Or: “I hope everything is OK…”. This sentence is totally formulaic and means nothing.
A further comment when people return to work after a break is: “How did the holiday go?”
But do not then go into detail about the race for the sunbeds or long queue at the buffet, because the individual isn’t really interested.
It’s just seen as a polite thing to say.
A real problem presents itself when a THIRD person approaches, and the original one has to be introduced. The comment: “This is somebody else I know…”, doesn’t really cut the mustard!
But there’s always: “I haven’t seen you for ages…” to fall back on.
The ostensible meaning of this is: “I haven’t seen you for ages…”
However the actual meaning is: “I have not been in touch for a while and am not even sure you are in the same job. I can’t remember your name, and I’m still totally uninterested in your health…“.
At the start of the week you might get: “Don’t work too hard this week!”
Ostensible meaning: “We’re both well-rounded individuals with fulfilling lives outside work.”. Actual meaning: It’s Monday morning and I cannot be bothered to say: “I hope you are well” for the billionth time. In fact you get this supposed joke throughout the week.
Or what about: “I have been hearing a lot about you…”.
Ostensible meaning: “I have been told about you by a mutual friend, and I’m pleased to make your acquaintance again…”.
Actual meaning: “Who are you..?”…
So remember – when someone asks you round for dinner, don’t expect a formal invitation because it’s just something people say!
The memories of our Editor, Welshman Phil Parry’s decades-long award-winning career in journalism (when it was always important to understand the hidden meanings behind instructions), as he was gripped by the rare disabling condition Hereditary Spastic Paraplegia (HSP), have been released in a major book ‘A GOOD STORY’. Order it now!
