Conspiracies feedback leaves government wondering if the public are up to something

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The conspiracies consultation we reported on three weeks ago has had a mixed reception amongst the Welsh public.  Some have reacted positively, enthusing about the ambitious nature of the satanic ritual etiquette training in particular.

Unfortunately, not all feedback has been so positive. The development of a Welsh conspiracy, in particular, has drawn criticism from consumer groups and tin foil hat manufacturers alike. Consumer groups have called into question the need for a specifically Welsh government conspiracy when there are perfectly good UK wide conspiracies. They see it as nothing more than tokenism and an unnecessary duplication of efforts.  Tin foil hat manufacturers have stated the need for eternal vigilance.

Grant Bestman-Chapstick of the Welsh consumer rights group MyCym said

“This is typical of the sort of short-sighted parochialism we’ve come to expect from this government. They’ve got proper conspiracies going on in Westminster with giant lizards and the royal family and gerbils and stuff.  It’s been going on since the Knights Templar and that, everyone knows it. It’s not the best use of government resources. The Welsh language translation bill alone is going to be ruinous.  We’ll be using twice as much invisible ink for all the secret messages. And where are the clandestine meetings going to be? Some posh hotel in mid-Wales no doubt. This money could be better spent on nice new kidneys for people or a big boat.”

Mary Min of the tin foil hat manufacturers association of Wales alleged there were darker motives. “This whole conspiracy consultation is just some sort of conspiracy if you ask me.”

Devenauld Fitzpatrick of The Conspiracies Committee which meets monthly wanted to assure the public its money was being well spent.

“The need for a specifically Welsh conspiracy has been self evident ever since the National Assembly for Wales was established. If we are to keep pace with the world of social media then we need to be considered a danger to people’s freedom in a way that’s relevant to them. In a way they can relate to and become outraged by at their own convenience. I was even considering a fake conspiracy just for an added layer of deviousness. But because of the Welsh language translation budget and the risk assessment and ecological impact assessment and the UNCRC impact assessment and requisitioning the paperclips there was no real financial advantage not having a real one so that’s why we decided to throw it open to public consultation. Now they all think we’re up to something. Which makes me think they’re up to something.”

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