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President Donald Trump has announced he will abandon plans to build a wall across the US Mexican border. Administration officials tasked with delivering on his election pledge to stop illegal immigration have elected to construct a Swansea roadworks style barrier instead. Mr Trump put his top men on the case as soon as he assumed office with instructions to “Do whatever it takes”. Their research led them to Swansea where the roadworks have been successfully preventing people from entering and or leaving the city centre for the past 60 years.
Feral Maze Dwellers
The origin of the roadworks is lost in the mists of time but their efficacy at preventing local businesses from functioning is legendary worldwide. Whether on foot or in a car the roadworks form an impenetrable maze for the unwary and the experienced traveler alike. Their constantly shifting layout and location make it impossible for anyone to navigate them, leading to the development of a population of feral maze dwellers who exist on a diet of Special Brew and discarded seagulls.
Many were born within the roadworks and speak a language of their own. Some of the women stand on street corners, devoid of hope with a glazed expression and only intermediate levels of personal hygiene. A United Nations occupying force, sent into the roadworks last December has been declared missing in action and their families have been notified.
Drug Runners
The efficiency with which the roadworks have destroyed businesses in Swansea over the past 20 years has been an inspiration to the Trump administration. They are convinced a similar layout will have the same detrimental effect on drug runners and people trafficking across the US Mexico border.
Temporary, acting, interim, vice media liaison officer for Swansea Council Roadworks development, exploitation and enmoneyment department, Sean Spicer had this to say.
“My old friend Mr Trump always knew a wall was a big mistake, right from the start. He’s never liked walls. He said to me, he said “impenetrable, never-ending roadworks is the way to go. Anyone can build a wall”. He said it, with his mouth… And teeth. Great teeth. We’re going to build him the best God damned roadworks. We’ll suck the hope right out of those Mexicans. Crushing dreams is what roadworks are all about. Any questions?”
