Space Force to rule the heavens from Llanbedr

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Tow bars will be fitted to all shuttles leaving from Llanbedr. In flight entertainment will be provided either by The Krankies or awkward silences interspersed uncomfortable shuffling and arguments over charging points.

Llanbedr in North Wales is set to become the centre of Liberace’s new “Space Force” as he has vowed to make orbital caravan holidays available “to the hoi polloi”.  When he first announced it on Twitter most people imagined the Space Force would be used for military purposes but as usual, Liberace sees the bigger picture.  In a survey of a thousand residents of Llanbedr in 2017, 80% expressed a reluctance to venture into space with most citing the lack of kitchen facilities and having to learn another language as the main deterrents.

Liberace (left) seen here with longtime friend Tim Curry showing off the luxury bathroom facilities in the deluxe, family module.

Having spent many a memorable summer in Fishguard in his static caravan, Liberace realised that the mobile home was the obvious solution to almost all space exploration issues.

Llanbedr airfield was shortlisted as a location for a UK spaceport by the Government in 2015. In 2016 the Government scrapped the competition to choose a site and instead invited locations to apply for a license. Llanbedr town council believe they are the front-runners owing to the fact that none of the other locations have tow bars on their shuttles or any kind of family entertainment. Two of them don’t even provide free bed linen and one doesn’t allow dogs in space.

Llanbedr will be the beating heart of the Space Force caravan park initiative.

Initial fears by local campsite owners that they would lose valuable land to the spaceport have been alleviated by the offer of shares in the venture and the promise of control of the Londis franchise.  At a press conference, last Tuesday temporary, interim, acting, caretaker media liaison janitor Sean Spicer had this to say.

“The caravan space force will be the best space force there is. Fitted kitchens… Fitted.  With all the best, everything.  You’ll see… This will make other space caravan parks look like little, tiny, itty bitty…  This is going to be the Glastonbury of space caravan parks. We’ve already got Jane McDonald booked for Tuesday evenings. Bingo on Mondays and Thursdays. Wednesday is Karaoke night in the Trump Lounge and on Saturday nights Liberace himself will be playing a medley from the great American songbook and Stock Aitken Waterman greatest hits between lunch and tea-time.

Sunday will be inter caravan Mixed Martial Arts tournaments and we also make quite a big thing of sewage disposal. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a three hundred kilo turd re-entering the earth’s atmosphere but it’s quite the cause for celebration I can tell you.  Any question?”

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