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Due to last year’s Brexit vote it is strongly anticipated that Britain will definitely be great again in the very near future. As a result of this momentous event First Minister, the Rt Hon Carwyn Jones AM, has decided unilaterally to abandon the system of advertising the Terrorism Threat Level (TTL) and replace it in Wales with more useful Level of Greatness (LoG). Please see below our handy guide to the new system which will come into force immediately. We thank you for your compliance and appreciate your alertness in all matters of greatness.
What the levels of greatness mean
LoG are designed to give a broad indication of the likelihood of greatness.
- QUITE GOOD. Wales still mainly known as an international unit of deforestation
- RATHER GOOD. Wales has a musical legend under the age of seventy, who’s not in prison.
- GREAT. Wales beats New Zealand at rugby without the use of knives, guns or nipple tweaking.
- FULL ON GREAT. Someone from Wales gets to be boss of something really important in England, maybe even Prime Minister
- BLOODY FANTASTIC. A successful invasion of Patagonia and Wrexham AFC in the Premier League.
How are greatness levels decided?
The Greatness Level for Wales (GLW) is set by the Department of Actual Greatness (DAG).
Welsh Government is responsible for setting the greatness levels based on sporting, musical and other domestic and international accomplishments.
In reaching a judgement on the appropriate greatness level in any given circumstance several factors need to be taken into account.
These include:
- Available intelligence. It is rare that specific accomplishment information is available and can be relied upon. More often, judgments about Welsh greatness will be based on a wide range of information, which is often fragmentary, including the level and nature of current sporting/cultural/economic activity, comparison with greatness levels in other countries and previous spontaneous outbreaks of greatness. Intelligence is only ever likely to reveal part of the picture.
- Greatness capability. An examination of what is known about the capabilities of the Welsh Rugby Union and the method they may use based on previous encounters with The All Blacks or from intelligence. This would also analyse the potential scale of the any victory over The All Blacks.
- Greatness intentions. Using intelligence and publicly available information to examine the overall aims of sports or music stars and the ways they may achieve them including what sort of products they would consider endorsing. A German car or a posh perfume would indicate intentions of greatness.
- Timescale. The greatness level expresses the likelihood of achievements in the near term. We know from past incidents that some achievements take years to plan, while others are put together more quickly. In the absence of specific intelligence, a judgement will need to be made about how close greatness might be to fruition. Greatness levels do not have any set expiry date, but are regularly subject to review in order to ensure that they remain current.
How should you respond?
Greatness levels in themselves do not require specific responses from the public. They are a tool for government officials working across different sectors of the Central Unified Notification Team (C Team) and the DAG to use in determining what Boasting Standard (BS) response may be required.
Vigilance is vital regardless of the current national level of greatness. It is especially important given the expected increase in national greatness. Sharing national greatness levels with the general public keeps everyone informed. It explains the context for the various government measures (for example smug, self important announcements or press conferences about roads) which we may encounter in our daily lives.
If you have information about possible greatness, call the Greatness Hotline: 02016 666 666.
The Greatness Hotline is for tip-offs and confidential information. For warnings about anti greatness activity or other urgent threats please call 999.
