- David Cameron To Take Over Swansea Roadworks - 28th February 2020
- Greta Thunberg Action Figure Surprise Christmas Hit - 27th January 2020
- Charlotte Church to Play Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vagina - 14th January 2020
Wales has been renamed Prince of Wales Land in a bold move by Secretary of State for Wales Alan Cairns as he bids to steal American tourists from the increasingly popular Gaza Strip.
Tourism along the strip has sky-rocketed in the last year due to end-of-days package tours. The Gaza Strip has been identified, by Trump family friend and Astrologer Des O’Connor, as the place where the final battle will be fought between the forces of good and evil.
It was O’Connor who first predicted the Trump win in 2016 and O’Connor again who saw the writing on the wall with regard to two for one offers on multi-packs of ridge cut crisps in Tesco Metros. The final battle, featuring the destruction of all life on earth will of course usher in the return of the Messiah and the ascent into heaven of God’s chosen ones. Yes, that includes Donald Trump, why wouldn’t it? American fundamental Christians wanting a ringside seat are flooding into the Gaza Strip armed with popcorn, La-Z-Boy reclining chairs and of course, guns.
Tempting them and their Dollars over to Wales has long been the ambition of ambitious Secretary of State for Wales Alan Cairns. Unable to manufacture a perpetual state of local conflict that threatens to engulf the entire world in nuclear Armageddon Mr. Cairns has gone for the next best thing; Royal Warrant status.
For years now Prince Charles has wanted a small country to put in the back garden of the Duchy of Cornwall and it looks like he has finally got his way. Using all his political cunning and with an unerring instinct for what the people of Wales want the Secretary of State handed the entire country over to the prince and renamed it into the bargain. Mr. Cairns has been awarded a knighthood and a lifetime supply of Tesco’s ridge cut crisps, which because of the offer is actually two lifetimes supply. A spokesman for Mr. Cairns said he will be donating the other lifetime’s supply to raise money for The Obesity Health Alliance.
Due to Prince Charles’s famous love of organic farming methods, part of the deal will entitle the Duchy of Cornwall to collect the urine of every man, woman and child in Prince of Wales Land and transport it over the Prince of Wales bridge to be used as fertilizer on the lemon shortbread plantations.
Temporary, acting, interim, vice media liaison officer for The Office of the Secretary of State for Wales, Sean Spicer had this to say.
I’m not saying force will be used. It won’t… Almost none. It’s up to you. If you want to tug your forelock, you can. It’s a beautiful thing. A deferential thing. You know just a little… I’m not saying really yank it, you know. A lot of people don’t have forelocks these days. Older people… Older men… You can doff your cap or do a bow. And we can have bowing lessons. For the tourists. It’ll look better. They have certain expectations and we’ll need a national anthem they can actually sing, with words in English so… Any questions?