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Plastic barriers
Swansea roadworks enthusiasts have successfully crowd-funded a spectacular stained glass window to adorn the South facing side of Swansea indoor market we can reveal. The window, which will be a permanent reminder of the permanent roadworks is set to begin construction in the New Year and will feature the now iconic “BUSINESSES OPEN AS USUAL” road sign obscured by attractive red and white plastic barriers. It will sit directly opposite the Brexit memorial window commissioned by Liberace and will loom over shoppers like an Edgar Allan Poe short story.
Criminals using Google translate
Mr Karl Emphatic of The Swansea and Lower West Wales Roadworks Enshrinement Society (Sandfields branch) had this to say. “I sometimes leave the house and can walk for minutes without seeing roadworks. Due to the ever changing nature of the construction process it is impossible for even the most ardent fan of recreational disruption to predict where they will be. This artwork will give the people of Swansea a focus. A place where they know they will see roadworks whenever they like. It will be an artwork for the people, by the people of the roadworks.”
For economic reasons the window is being manufactured in the Philippines and will be assembled in Swansea by previously non violent criminals using Google translate. At night they will be rounded up using an algorithm and Ketamine glue-nets. No problems are anticipated and the completion date is widely believed to be within a human lifespan.
Golden age of roadworks
The window will give hope to the people of Swansea, many of whom don’t believe the current golden age of roadworks can last much longer. Although Swansea council has given assurances that the now world famous UNESCO Prince of Wales roadworks will not be going anywhere rumours are rife of secret plans to render city centre roads “usable”.
Whatever the outcome of the actual roadworks, Swansea will soon have a piece of public art to rival the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in its scope and thematic grandeur. Or something like that.
