Our satirical writer Edwin Phillips reads an alternative column by ITV Cymru Wales presenter Andrea Byrne in the property magazine Cardiff Life which is pushed through doors in the city, with details of her podcast “talking about all things fertility”, after her “excruciatingly isolating seven years trying to conceive” following the captivating news about her own baby’s progress which is offered in the glossy magazine.
As I have said to all my fan in the magazine Cardiff Life (CL) this crisis has made things hard for everyone – and I know only too well because I have had trouble conceiving.
Bringing you news of the latest death toll in Wales on ITV Cymru Wales (ITV CW) has a special relevance to me, because my husband and I Lee, the star former international rugby player (Byrne), have spent years trying to bring our gorgeous baby Jemima into the world.
But I am sure it will bring solace to the families of victims of coronavirus/Covid-19 to know that I have started a podcast to tell people about the problems with infertility, when they have so much on their plate.
With my usual openness I wrote in CL: “Now, with the hope of helping others, I’ve decided to practice what I preach…”
As I said so eloquently: “For me, 2021 is about honesty”.
My extremely well-written article about honesty in CL was even headlined “Baby talk” which is a very witty play on words.
It’s not just this year of course – I am always honest, as the South Wales Echo put it, we “opened up” about our fertility treatment known as IVF, and how right they were!
I understand of course you will have been fascinated to hear that we “started trying for a baby following a romantic New Year’s Day wedding ceremony in 2012” and that my hubby Lee, the star former international rugby player (Byrne), had “always wanted to be a dad”.
As the South Wales Echo put it so well: “… out of the blue Andrea was told she was pregnant with Jemima, who changed their world …”
But it isn’t just my podcast which helps people like me, my esteemed bosses (ahem!) at ITV CW are also extremely supportive – perhaps because they knew about my sad but important news on difficulties in conceiving with my husband Lee, the star former international rugby player (Byrne).
As I said so accurately in my much-read column for CL: “Thankfully ITV is a very forward-thinking organisation and Lee (the star former international rugby player [Byrne]) is a very supportive husband”.
I know from the flood of a letter that the details I wrote, have been greeted with relief by my fan, when I told him: “I’m busy preparing for my return to work post-maternity.
“… I’ve been trying to give my presenting persona some practice runs and remind myself what it’s like to string proper sentences together again”, I said in my usual hilarious fashion (this is because I had a baby and went back after maternity leave, which you may not understand).
This is the kind of news I acknowledge the readers of CL really want not (I have been reliably told) the information about properties no one can ever afford, pictures of people you have never heard of, and vacuous articles headlined ‘CONSCIOUS CREATIVITY’ so that you put the magazine straight in the bin.
You want details of ME and my baby Jemima!
In the past it has also been in my gift to offer all-important announcements in CL about my private life, which have included going to a health spa: “My treatment was… divine. Seventy blissful minutes… I was in heaven”.
Further crucial details have also been offered by me, such as: “I can safely say the products used here are some of the kindest on the market when it comes to looking after the health of your nails.”
And: “I was determined to find time to carry on (with yoga) when I became a mum.”
You can tell I read the news!
I am so open and honest, that I have even been prepared to give my fan vital revelations about my husband Lee, the star former international rugby player (Byrne).
These have included: “Thanks to dad Lee (the star former international rugby player [Byrne]) again, I was so grateful to take 48 hours out to immerse myself in yoga again, in a beautiful coastal setting alongside ten other like-minded yogis.”
In my generosity I have provided significant details like: “As well as blissfully relaxed, I also felt revitalised and rejuvenated…” and engrossing information about taking the baby on holiday with my husband Lee (the star former international rugby player [Byrne]) “Passports, tickets, money and now we can add THE KITCHEN SINK!”.
I have also exclusively disclosed further important information in CL about my baby, such as: “When she wasn’t sleeping or swimming, Jemima easily attracted quite a holiday fan club.
“She rocked her pink baby sunglasses wherever she went and there’s little doubt she was the coolest – and I think the cutest – baby in the resort! Though, of course, I may be a just a little bit biased!”.
Crucial details on my baby growing up, were all there to be enjoyed in my CL column, such as: “…it won’t be long until Jemima has grown so much that we’ll no longer be able to have her in the baby carrier…”.
I understand your dull lives will have been brightened up by such news, so I also wrote that Jemima and I “paid another visit to the ITV Cymru Wales Cardiff studio to see all my news colleagues, which was very exciting”.
It will have been absorbing for my fan to learn that “Jemima settled straight into telly life, beaming for the camera”.
He wrote to me (clearly in code): “I am fed up to the back teeth hearing about your baby. Why do you write this air-head rubbish?”.
Evidently he wants to know more about Jemima, and that my hubby Lee, the star former international rugby player (Byrne), and I have “opened up” in the South Wales Echo about our “dream baby”.
Those Editors at CL realise how important this is, so they might give me more space between all those features about expensive weddings, write-ups entitled “Scene” and articles like the one on having a “luxury adventure at the Maldives resort Huvafen Fushi”
Now there’s a podcast too!!!!
Our Editor Phil Parry’s memories of his extraordinary decades long award-winning career in journalism as he ‘opens up’ about being gripped by the incurable disabling condition Hereditary Spastic Paraplegia (HSP), have been released in the major book ‘A GOOD STORY’. Order the book now!