ITV Cymru/Wales presenter Andrea Byrne tells us when she will be back on our screens reading the news after giving us yet another enthralling update on her baby’s progress as our satirical columnist Edwin Phillips reads the details in her column in a glossy magazine pushed through the doors of Cardiff homes.
It follows the ‘information’ about her pregnancy, attending the Tennis Wales award ceremony and her recent trip to Wimbledon.
I know that you will all be pleased to know my razor-sharp intellect will be brought to bear analysing the news in Wales on your televisions every night next month.
I made this important announcement officially in my riveting Cardiff Life column called ‘MUM’S THE WORD’, which is so clever and accurate!
But I can’t guarantee to bring you more updates on my baby Jemima which I know, from the flood of a letter, have enthralled you so much!
That’s a little joke to cheer up your humdrum lives which you may not understand.
I quite realise my glamorous life on local television is far removed from your own dull worlds.
As I informed you importantly in my Cardiff Life column called ‘MUM’S THE WORD’, “I’m busy preparing for my return to work post-maternity.
“I’m back on your ITV screens delivering Wales’ evening news from 3 February, so with that in mind, I’ve been trying to give my presenting persona some practice runs and remind myself what it’s like to string proper sentences together again.”
Crucial details on the progress of my baby, though, are all there for you to enjoy in my Cardiff Life column called ‘MUM’S THE WORD’, such as: “…it won’t be long until Jemima has grown so much that we’ll no longer be able to have her in the baby carrier…”.
As I wrote in my Cardiff Life column called ‘MUM’S THE WORD’ in the past, my baby and I “paid another visit to the ITV Cymru Wales Cardiff studio to see all my news colleagues, which was very exciting”.
You will all have been fascinated to learn that “Jemima settled straight into telly life, beaming for the camera”.
Vital updates like these will be provided for you in my Cardiff Life column called ‘MUM’S THE WORD’ (although sadly not on the nightly television news), which will relieve my army of a fan when he wrote (clearly in code): “I am fed up to the back teeth hearing about your baby. Why do you write this air-head rubbish?”.
In the past in my Cardiff Life column called ‘MUM’S THE WORD’, I have given you all-important details about my private life, which have included going to a health spa (I realise you rarely go to one of these so I thought it would be generous of me to tell you what it is like): “My treatment was… divine. Seventy blissful minutes… I was in heaven”.
I gave you further crucial details, such as: “I can safely say the products used here are some of the kindest on the market when it comes to looking after the health of your nails.”
And: “I was determined to find time to carry on (with yoga) when I became a mum.”
I even gave you news in my Cardiff Life column called ‘MUM’S THE WORD’about my hubby the former international star rugby player Lee (Byrne).
You will have been fascinated to read in my Cardiff Life column called ‘MUM’S THE WORD’: “Thanks to dad Lee again, I was so grateful to take 48 hours out to immerse myself in yoga again, in a beautiful coastal setting alongside ten other like-minded yogis.”
I offered you nuggets in my Cardiff Life column called ‘MUM’S THE WORD’ such as: “As well as blissfully relaxed, I also felt revitalised and rejuvenated…”.
I know this will be engrossing information which will light up your dreary lives, as when I told you about the hardships of taking baby Jemima on holiday with my hubby the former star international rugby player Lee (Byrne), using my innate natural humour. “Passports, tickets, money and now we can add THE KITCHEN SINK!”, I said in my usual hilarious fashion.
It seems so strange seeing a man with muscles holding a baby doesn’t it?
So I immediately put a picture of my hubby the former star international rugby player Lee (Byrne), holding Jemima in my column in Cardiff Life called ‘MUM’S THE WORD’
Going away with a new baby was like a MILITARY ARMY! (to self not in column) No – I meant ‘operation’ not ‘army’.
These are such important reports, which is why my colleagues decided they should go on the ITV Cymru/Wales News website.
Vital information was published and I repeated it in my hilarious and informative column in Cardiff Life called ‘MUM’S THE WORD’: “When she wasn’t sleeping or swimming, Jemima easily attracted quite a holiday fan club.
“She rocked her pink baby sunglasses wherever she went and there’s little doubt she was the coolest – and I think the cutest – baby in the resort! Though, of course, I may be a just a little bit biased!”.
At least my throng of a fan will be relieved to know this all-important news will continue to be presented in my Cardiff Life column called ‘MUM’S THE WORD.
Perhaps it may even make the ITV Cymru/Wales news.
Phil Parry’s memories of his extraordinary 36-year award-winning career in journalism as he was gripped by the incurable disabling condition Hereditary Spastic Paraplegia (HSP), have been released in a major new book ‘A GOOD STORY’. Order the book now!